What impact do you want to have on your children? How do you figure it out? How do you help your kids gain clarity on their future? In this episode of Dads on Tap, Jay Parsons shares how to accelerate your personal growth so you can be more present in your kids' lives.
Jay is the Founder and Owner of Hayah Consulting. He is a gifted and accomplished executive coach, a leader of leaders, and passionate about helping people discover who their best selves are. He also happens to be my personal executive coach.
You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in...
- How Jay and I reconnected [1:27]
- Learn more about Jay, his dad, and his wife [3:57]
- Becoming a safe place for kids to turn to [7:22]
- Jay’s passion for executive coaching [9:56]
- How to decide where to focus your attention [14:45]
- What keeps you from finding clarity? [18:25]
- Be more selfish to be more selfless [20:29]
- How to coach kids toward clarity on their future [24:20]
- Jay’s effective life hacks for personal growth [28:14]
- Why you need to build a strong support system [29:56]
- One change you need to make in your life today [31:01]
- The perfect day in Louisville, Kentucky [33:18]
- Jay’s go-to brew + bourbon [35:15]
How to gain clarity on the impact you want to have
Have you ever looked at a Cheesecake Factory menu? They are well known for having over 250 items to choose from. For some, it’s utterly overwhelming. It can be easy to feel that way about life, too. There are so many directions you can take. How do you narrow down what you want to do?
Jay recommends asking yourself some probing questions: What is the one big thing you want to go after in 2024? What has to be true to accomplish that with your kids? Once you’ve determined what that thing is, put something in front of yourself to remind you what that ‘thing’ is.
Jay journals all year long. To figure out where he wants to go next, he looks at the past. What stood out as meaningful moments? What touched his soul and resonated? What’s the common theme? There was usually an identifiable theme that became something that he optimized or maximized in the coming year.
What keeps you from finding clarity? When you let someone else define what success looks like for you. You don’t have to be someone else—you need to be you. You don’t have to fake it until you make it. You just need to be the dad that you were designed and wired to be.
Be more selfish to be more selfless
Jay knows it sounds counterintuitive, but he emphasizes that you have to “Learn to be selfish in a few things so you can be selfless in others.” No one can be selfless 24/7. You can’t default to everyone else’s needs.
You need to care for yourself physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. You must make sure your well is always full. Because when you show up as a healthy version of you, you’ll be your best self with your child.
Sometimes that looks like giving yourself grace to stumble in the right direction. And remember, you control your future. You decide how full your plate is and what you prioritize in your life.
How to coach kids toward clarity on their future
Jay believes that there are three main things you need to do to help be a guide for your kids.
- Be present for your kids. That doesn’t just mean physically. You need to be emotionally and intellectually present. They need to know you’re there for them.
- Listen to your kids. Hear their wisdom for you. What is on their heart and mind? You can learn from them as they learn from you.
- Figure out a way to support them, whether they’re where you want them to be or not. Too many dads imagine a future for their kids that’s full of possibilities. But you need to prioritize being in their corner now.
One of Jay’s core values is whole-life integration. He knows many people who are incredible in their work but suck at being dads. You need to be more present at home than you are at work. If you care about being successful at home, you’ll be more successful everywhere else.
Question for Discussion: How can I become a better student of my kid’s lives? Am I taking the time to learn what they want for themselves and their future? Use your wisdom to help guide them to what they’re designed for—not your design for them.
Resources & People Mentioned
- The Power of Full Engagement by Jim Loehr
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- A Beautiful Constraint by Adam Morgan and Mark Barden
- The Brown Hotel
- North of Bourbon
- Louisville Slugger Museum
- Muhammad Ali Museum
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