Raising Strong Daughters with Kadi Cole, Ep #12

Raising Strong Daughters with Kadi Cole, Ep #12

As dads, how do we empower our daughters to unlock their God-given potential? How do we lean in and encourage them through whatever they’re facing? How do we raise our daughters to be leaders in their church, workplace, and communities? 

Kadi Cole is a high-level leader in higher education, mental health, and local churches. She advocates for female leaders across the country as an author, speaker, and consultant. She helps organizations unlock the potential of female leaders. She answers these questions—and many more—in this powerful episode of Dads on Tap. 

You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in...

  • Kadi shares more about her dad [2:24]
  • The lessons Kadi learned from her spiritual dad [3:47] 
  • Learn more about Kadi’s family [8:52]
  • Why Kadi is passionate about women in leadership [10:10] 
  • How the sexualization of society impacts our daughters [14:45] 
  • What Katie is excited about for our daughters [20:36] 
  • Pay attention to the “sticky floor” [25:36] 
  • How to raise your daughter in faith [33:29] 
  • Why dads need to stay engaged with their daughters [40:04] 
  • The lightning round: Social media, confidence, and listening [46:57] 
  • How to navigate being a divorced daughter dad [48:13] 

How the sexualization of society impacts our daughters 

Women still face—both internally and externally—pressure to look and behave a certain way. That creates trauma that can impact them throughout their life.

As a dad, you are the first and most important male relationship in your daughter’s life. If a boundary is crossed by a father, it makes a devastating impact. Joking, one-off comments, and sarcasm about women tell a consistent message to your children. It shares how you see women. What are you currently saying?

A daughter needs to receive affirmation, love, joy, pride, correction, and encouragement from her dad that has nothing to do with her appearance. You don’t have to be perfect. But you do need to have intentional conversations about what really matters. 

Celebrate her character, strength, courage, intelligence, etc. You’re not there to rescue her, you’re there to advise her as she does what she’s called to do. 

Pay attention to the “sticky floor”

The sticky floor is what keeps women’s feet stuck to the floor and prevents them from seeing themselves as a leader. An internal report from Hewlett Packard found that when men and women apply for a new opportunity, they have different experiences. 

When men look at a job description, they need to feel good about 60% of the description before they apply. When they apply, they assume they’ll get the job. When they start the job, they’ll fake it til they make it. 

When a woman looks at a job description, she has to feel confident that she can achieve 100% of that job description or she won’t even apply. She has to nail everything on the job the first day or she doesn’t feel qualified. Women look at things from a perfectionistic viewpoint. 

Women have conversations and dialogues with themselves in their own heads which makes them avoid opportunities. But how many people get promoted and nail it on the first day? No one in a new position knows what they’re doing. You should apply for a job that you grow into. 

Girls often feel like they’re falling short on everything they think they’re supposed to be. They constantly strive to overachieve and feel like they’re under-delivering. As a dad, you can help them right-size their thinking and expectations. You have to articulate God’s work in your daughter’s life. They aren’t mature enough to see it—but you are. 

Why dads need to stay engaged with their daughters

When we face resistance in our relationships with our daughters, the easy way out is to take a step back. Some dads lean in too far and create conflict and negative experiences. And while conflict is normal, how you handle it needs to be healthy. 

When our daughters hit their teenage years, they’re facing boundaries when they want independence. It’s their job to push boundaries. It’s a parent’s job to hold the boundary. You have to adjust to the situation and put it into context. There’s no right or wrong way to do things—and you won’t nail it every team—but a loving father leans in and stumbles forward. 

When parenting gets tough, it’s likely triggering your memories of a challenging time in your life. Maybe something wasn’t modeled well for you and you need to learn how to navigate it. Everyone can be a great parent but you have to do the work to learn how. 

Learn more about raising empowered daughters in this engaging episode with Kadi Cole. 

Resources & People Mentioned

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