Aisha I. DeBerry, J.D. is a podcaster, author, speaker, and DEI Professional. She is the creator of aishadeberry.com, a safe space where she hosts masterclasses in the areas of DEI, more specifically inclusive leadership.
She also had a dad who was deeply involved in every aspect of her life. He operated outside of traditional gender norms and was there for her at every step. Because of this, Aisha has always been comfortable having honest conversations with him. She realized that she and her dad have a unique relationship.
It’s also one of the reasons why Aisha launched a podcast with her dad called “Dad Daughter Dialogues.” She wanted to delve deeper into his life stories and have meaningful conversations about life, love, and even politics. Eventually, the podcast morphed into a book.
In this episode of Dads on Tap, Aisha shares what it’s like to have a great dad, and encourages dads to press into their relationships with their daughters when things get challenging.
You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in...
- Learn more about Aisha’s dad [1:33]
- Aisha’s favorite memories of her father [4:28]
- Press into a relationship with your daughter [7:59]
- Dad Daughter Dialogues (book + podcast) [13:15]
- What Aisha learned about her dad [16:24]
- The concerns for the dads of today [20:05]
- What’s encouraging about today’s dads [23:08]
- Navigating social media with your daughters [25:32]
- A conversation about diversity, equity, and inclusion [30:12]
- A question for you to wrestle with [40:20]
Press into a relationship with your daughter
Aisha loathed the idea of being in a marching band, so she chose to play the cello. When she became a teenager, she hit a point where she felt like it wasn’t “cool” anymore. But her dad told her that she’d made a commitment and that she would keep playing. She remembers being angry in that moment, but in the long run, he taught her about commitment.
When Aisha reflects, she can clearly see moments where her dad was involved in every part of her life. He was very present as a father and would attend her classes. She jokes that he even tried to sit with her at lunch at school.
You will hit difficult challenges in your relationship with your daughter. She will try to push you away. But you can’t let negative moments or pushback from your daughter(s) keep you from engaging with them.
Navigating social media with your daughters
Whenever you decide that your daughter can have access to social media, be consistent. Monitor it. But make sure you spend time with your daughter offline. Have conversations at coffee and the dinner table. Emphasize the importance of time away from social media.
Put that into practice with your daughter. Wonderful conversations can come out of time without social media present. Also be sure to educate your daughters about the ills of social media. Talk about the reality of predators. Be patient when they ask questions and talk through it until it makes sense.
You need to allow your child to learn how to have conversations face-to-face. It all starts at home. It’s as simple as a conversation without the phone. Just listen and engage. It will make a difference.
A conversation about diversity, equity, and inclusion
Racism didn’t start with Black people, so it cannot be resolved by Black people. White colleagues, allies, and friends must change the climate. We need to get uncomfortable and have tough conversations.
You can say that you support diversity, equity, and inclusion. But how are you talking about it at home? That’s where awareness needs to change. Whatever is said in the home impacts your children. Children aren’t born racist—it’s learned.
Aisha challenges white dads to educate themselves. You don’t have to understand everything. Racism is systematic. It has happened historically in law, the justice system, education, healthcare, and more. You can't solve this overnight.
Explore why you feel the way you feel. Admit that you have privilege. Aisha isn’t taking away your experience. But at face value, there are privileges that white people have. Use your privilege for good.
Aisha encourages everyone to read “Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome” to learn why Black people show up the way they do. It gets dark, but it is real. But you have to talk about hard things. To get to the good, you must acknowledge the bad.
If anything Aisha has said brings up a response in you, it means you need to check yourself and commit yourself to learning more.
Discussion questions: Do you find it hard today to be a dad? Why is it challenging? Was it easier for your father? Are tools missing?
Resources & People Mentioned
Connect with Aisha I. DeBerry
- Connect on LinkedIn
- Aisha’s website
- Dad Daughter Dialogues Podcast
- Dad Daughter Dialogues: Conversations Across Generations and Cultures
Connect With Scott and Dads on Tap
Subscribe to DADS ON TAP
Audio Production and Show Notes by - PODCAST FAST TRACK