Amanda Carroll - Helping Save Your Marriage, Ep #19

Amanda Carroll - Helping Save Your Marriage, Ep #19

How can we help dads be better dads? What does it look like to pursue a healthy relationship as parents? How can we support each other? 

In this special episode of Dads on Tap, I team up with Amanda Carroll to discuss some of the common pitfalls that prevent good co-parenting and derail marriages. Amanda is the host of “Brave Single Moms,” a podcast geared toward helping single moms navigate life. 

Join us as we talk about how the husband's role can contribute to successful parenting and share tips for single moms and dads to find emotionally healthy partners. Listen to learn what makes for an emotionally healthy individual (which leads to an emotionally healthy marriage).

You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in...

  • Common pitfalls in relationships that cause them to fail [2:37]
  • How can a husband be a teammate vs an opponent? [4:58]
  • How to recognize and avoid abuse in relationships [10:00]
  • Keep your relationship strong by spending time together [17:39]
  • The importance of dealing with unresolved issues [21:49]
  • How can moms ask for more help? How can dads give it? [28:27] 
  • How do we keep families together? [30:50]
  • Single moms: How to find a healthy man [38:15]
  • Single dads: How to find a healthy woman [46:08] 
  • Dating apps to use (and apps to avoid) [48:52]
  • Learn more about “Dads on Tap” and “Brave Single Moms” [54:23] 

Reasons why the marriage can't be saved

Sometimes identifying what makes a healthy relationship requires us to reflect on the unhealthy aspects to avoid. Amanda believes that one of the most common pitfalls in marriages is a lack of equality in the relationship. 

Most women are college-educated and worked at the beginning of their relationship. Suddenly, kids are introduced into the picture, and she’s forced to stay at home because childcare costs are too expensive. The burden of parenting falls almost exclusively on the mom. 

Women can get lost in the role of “mom” and begin to lose what makes them who they are. This can create animosity that builds over years, allowing your relationship to deteriorate. 

It’s incredibly important that you as the dad is a teammate and shares the work with all things parenting. Relationships are shown to be most effective when both partners bring something to the table. 

Why not ask what she needs? Does she want to go back to work? Does she have creative ideas to earn an income? Don’t allow her to quit her career. Show that you believe in her and her goals. Show your children that their mom can be a great mom and a woman with career aspirations. 

Supporting your wife—the mother of your child—to pursue things outside of mothering is important. Help her create opportunities for her to have her own life and success. Figure out how to make this work in your relationship. 

Covert abuse in marriage (and how to avoid it)

One of the biggest issues that single moms face is abuse in a past relationship. A woman who has her own income and is supported in her work can avoid financial abuse. Sometimes husbands aren’t aware they’re contributing to abuse. 

This may look like subtle financial limitations and control, or criticism and attempts to diminish her. It may be simply teasing or making fun of her. These approaches rarely build a relationship. 

How do you speak to your wife? Is it hurting or supporting her? In a healthy relationship, communication should happen without sarcasm, teasing, or yelling. It should be about speaking life and building trust. Make her feel safe. Words are powerful and you must yield them carefully. 

How can you create a safe place and healthy environment that allows for communication? Why not take the lead in creating emotional maturity to develop trust and vulnerability? This allows you to create trust early on and allows security even in our broken places. Remember that you are a team, working to recognize what each other needs.

The importance of dealing with unresolved issues

How do you heal? Amanda is quick to say, “Go to therapy!” She believes that there’s nothing more attractive than a man who isn’t afraid to receive professional guidance. If you believe your spouse may need to pursue therapy, you start first. Leading by example may start the conversation so you don’t have to. 

Emotionally supportive relationships require addressing difficult topics. Conflict is unavoidable. So approach conflict with gentleness and avoid playing the shame and blame game. You each desire empathy from your partner. Be willing to give it. 

Being supportive requires the capacity to have safe, and non-critical discussions about difficult topics such as adultery or trauma. Guys aren't always thinking of the emotional consequences of what they’re doing—but women are. Being more aware of this can reduce conflict.

How do we keep families together? What rips them apart? Listen to hear Amanda’s thoughts. 

4 tips for finding an emotionally healthy husband 

Here are four things I believe a woman should look for in a healthy man:

  1. Is he aware of his trauma? Has he processed and healed from it? Does he avoid talking about it?
  2. Is he genuinely curious about his own growth? Is he curious about you? A healthy man expresses curiosity about you as well as his individual growth and self-awareness. 
  3. Is he humble? If he isn’t willing to shut up and listen to you, it’s a red flag. 
  4. Does he value something bigger than himself or his own success? This may be seen in acts of faith or service. Does he volunteer? If a man doesn't have something in life that’s bigger than him, he will be the most important person in his life. 

Don’t lose hope. There are wonderful men out there. Spend time in places where good men will be. 

And men, if these questions don’t describe you—working on these things will always benefit you and your significant other. Don’t be afraid to take the first step. Do the work required to grow and you will attract someone at the same level of maturity. 

Connect with Amanda Carroll

Connect With Scott and Dads on Tap

Subscribe to DADS ON TAP


Audio Production and Show Notes by - PODCAST FAST TRACK

Back to blog